Ohio EPA, AG Dann pursue toxic dumpers

After numerous reports of citizens disposing of heavy metals, asbestos, and other toxic waste in their curbside trash, the Ohio Environmental Protection Agency and Attorney General Marc Dann have issued subpoenas for the list of Ohio consumers who have ordered the Kinoki Foot Pads. Leo Jennings III, spokesman for Dann, was quoted as saying "I have seen the lab reports. Those pads contain mercury, radiation, and metabolic wastes. Some people are just selfish and want to see those things drawn out of their body like they were a tree with roots, and then put them in landfills where they leach into our scenic rivers and are drawn back up into real trees with actual roots. (Expletive) them."

Asked to comment, Governor Ted Strickland deferred to budget director J. Pari Sabety, who explained that the expected civil suit and subsequent revenue from the sale of newly created Ohio Kenoki Pads could possibly fill holes in the budget created by the recessionary economy.

Kevin Coughlin, speaking for the Ohio Republican Party, endorsed the measures being taken, but added "This is a long time coming. Republicans wouldn't have waited until the first of April to take action."